Reports of a new political party, the Scottish Gamekeeping Party seem to be exaggerated. That’s a shame.
I had been planning to join and had jotted down a few points for the manifesto;
- free pints and chasers in all pubs for those wearing ridiculous amounts of tweed
- health warnings on all farmed meat ‘WARNING: does not contain poisonous lead shot’
- landowners will be fined if they have birds of prey nesting on their land except for Merlins which are lovely
- all textbooks on ecology will be removed from schools, universities and libraries and replaced with a series of short booklets entitled ‘Wildlife is lovely – but you have to kill it’
- Ordnance Survey maps will re-label rights of way as wrongs of way as the less that townies (apart from our lairds) know about the countryside and what really goes on there the better
Any other ideas?
And, of course, the Gamekeeping Party’s first official party political broadcast will be made on BBC Countryfile, just as all its previous unofficial ones have been…
[registration_form]
One of their membership criteria: each prospective member to be assessed on his propensity to gurn malignantly at walkers while driving slowing past them on moorland tracks. Any keeper caught with a benign look on his face is to thrown head first into the stink pit!
I think they would want to legalise racism and homophobia. Along with the promotion of a flat earth agenda… You know its just common sense.
And of course, all ladies will be admitted purely to provide excellent baking, roast game and scrupulously clean glassware for the consumption of barley-based beverages… right…?!
No, no…to be fair this is 2020 Louise!
If they can squeeze into a pair of tight tweed breeks, smile and lean alluringly against a heather clad butt, then this will also gain them admittance.
Compulsory preparation and eating of lead-shot game in Food Technology classes in all schools. Instruction provided by Gamekeeper’s Party member.
Oh, just realised – already happens near me. See following correspondence this year from headteacher.
“Many thanks again for being in touch. We have made a number of enquiries re the activities in Food Technology around preparing and cooking pheasant and would share with you the following information.
The pheasants brought into xxxxxx xx xxxxxx were shot with lead and we appreciate concern regarding this. The main UK shooting organisations have pledged to phase out shooting game birds with lead shot by 2025, and some nearby shooting estates went ‘lead free’ on the 1st January this year, with many more to follow for the 2020/21 season. However, the use of lead shot is still legal and standard practice across the majority of shooting estates. As the birds were prepared to ‘best practice’ standards (see BASC guide – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAIzncKg1_Q ) any shot or shot fragments were easily spotted and removed before cooking and consumption. It should be remembered that after release at 6 weeks old, these pheasants were at liberty and fed on grain with no antibiotics, at far greater welfare standards than broiler chickens. The management to support the pheasants also provides habitat and food for so many other species of wildlife.
Attached is guidance and advice from the Food Standards Agency about the consumption of lead shot game. As students will probably only encounter this “once in a lifetime” or on a very small amount of occasions, the risks are extremely low. I am sure they appreciate the amazing experience and skills gained from this but thank you for highlighting the risk. In the future we can highlight this and students can of course choose not to take home or consume the cooked product if they are concerned. As mentioned the workshop is an experience which most GCSE pupils studying the subject will be experiencing in schools in the UK as they need to be able to joint chicken for practical assessments. The opportunity to work with game allows pupils to experience this with no cost.
I hope this information will allay your concerns.”
Good to know schools are encouraging the consumption of Game. Top marks to the head teacher
Why not, the only difference between chicken and pheasant is the pheasant gets a few weeks out of his pen starving in a draughty wood to add to his shit life. Before being shot or just pelleted and either dying slowly in the woods or getting dragged out by a boisterous spaniel.
The reply from the headteacher is about as acceptable and aof the same level as the phrase “Shit happens” Appalling!
Brilliant Carole. What a lot of words, when surely:
‘Ooh. Thanks for pointing this out. Next year we will ensure that all pheasants used are lead-free.
Yours gratefully …’
was the appropriate response.
A friend often recounts a visit to a grouse shooting pub ( they were moth trapping and stopping in a camping barn) where when it was realised they were strangers the was absolute silence and not a little staring. They found friendly surroundings in the next village to eat in.
I myself have heard trees planted some years earlier called “vermin perches” by a grouse moor owner complaining that trees in such situations were an anathema. I always thought that “vermin perches” was the proper name for shooting sticks.
As to Racism and Homophobia, they would surely make them compulsory (and Sexism). Literacy and proper education rather than learning at the knee of Hogwash would also be frowned upon, whilst those living in the urban environment ” the townies” would be disenfranchised if not shooting estate owners or regular paying guests.
Man Traps, Spring Guns, pole traps, poison and all manner of other devices “to take” vermin would be legalised.
All visitors to Scotland to self dose with anthelminthics from the points provided at all service stations, rail and bus stations and lay-bys. Nothing should jeopardise the intestinal health of the red grouse population.
Free pints and chasers! Your first point explains exactly why a fat blob like you would become a member! All further points are just excuses
Gerrit – thank you for your first comment here. Very amusing.
I’d hazard a guess that he doesn’t “gerrit” very often!
Mark goes where they are dumb enough to listen to him and give him money,so he can fill his capacious stomach.
A mandatory IQ test?
I thought the Tory party already had a section in Scotland?
Hope ‘Beefy’ gets a think-tank.
I can’t imagine they’d be big on education at all, closing all schools, universities and colleges to produce an army of stupid, uneducated fuckwits….perfect for a career in, yep that’s right….gamekeepibg.
I would have an educated guess,gamekeepers no alot more about flora and fauna,than you.You sanctimonious prat,that includes the fat man at the top of the page.
It’s plain to see that some don’t “no alot” (sic) about about the spelling, grammar and punctuation of their own language let alone their arse from their elbow.