How would you…

Mark 12 Comments
By Department of Environment, Food & Rural Affairs via Wikimedia Commons
By Department of Environment, Food & Rural Affairs via Wikimedia Commons

…offset Owen Paterson?

Not sure about offsetting him, but if he were to set off into the far distance he would not be missed.

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12 Replies to “How would you…”

  1. Id offset him at the bottom of the ocean but would be worried about any harmful anti-environmental discharge he could leak. He’s somewhat like nuclear waste – difficult to dispose of, as nobody would want him in the environment, unjustifiably costly to the taxpayer to keep and transport around and leaves behind some long-term residual environmental problems for future generations to deal with. Unlike most other waste however, he hasn’t even had a previously useful former life and the thought of recycling him isn’t an attractive prospect. Maybe using him for grip blocking on Walshaw moor?

  2. The difficulty would be in finding a way to offset him humanely. Hunting him with dogs, or snaring him or using him as a target for sport, all things he approves of, are clearly cruel. Perhaps the best way to offset the Minister would be to put him out to grass in a wetland wildflower meadow. That way he could reflect on wildl flora and fauna while hopefully no longer being in a position to do much damage.

    1. Is this the Douglas Batchelor who used to have responsibility for the Baronsdown deer sanctuary where because of your appallingly cruel wildlife management methods – including the winter feeding of wild deer – you had a death rate of up to 107 in a single year.

      If so Mr Batchelor you are a very very cruel man indeed who has done massive damage to our local ecosystem.

      You should hang your head in shame.

  3. Mark,

    I’d off set him as an onshore windfarm next to a badger set, but making sure he is at least one hour’s drive away from his family and home.

  4. To off set I thought things had to have a market value?

    Could a cull be an option, even by Cameron & ConDEm standards he’s failed to evidence “the greenest government ever”, in fact a case might be made he’s failed to make contribution to the claim?

    If we accept that standards are relative and subjective then any principles (beyond private or corporate avarice) were all either abandoned or were prostituted for profit early days?

  6. No need to off-set where the proposal would result in environmental gain. The loss of Owen Patterson would presumably count as off-setting, rather than require off-setting. Surely the question should be, how many Walshaws or Lodge Hills could be consented for the Environment Secretary’s departure?

    1. I’ve given a lot of thought to off-ing him. Smear him with fox- scent and let him loose in a field near one of David Cameron’s favourite hunts. Obviously, as foxes are never harmed in these days of the hunting ban, he’ll make his way home safely.

      Either that, or cover him in Hen Harrier feathers and drop him off on a grouse moor.

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