July 2014: Angling Trust welcomes decision to remove beavers from river
March 2012: Angling Trust urge Minister Benyon to halt spread of beaver
October 2009: Angling Trust policy against beavers
President Obama and Prime Minister Harper issue joint declaration to rid North America of beavers after briefing from Tangling Rust.
‘We hadn’t realised they were so awful’ said the premiers today ‘We thought there were lots of fish in our rivers and that beavers were native to them too. But clearly the thing that our rivers need is for certain elements of their natural fauna to be removed completely. Evolution isn’t so great if it came up with idea of beavers in rivers and God must have been sleeping on the job if he put them there.’
The EU is poised to consider the status of the European Beaver ahead of any decisions on the future of Greece, the Euro or quantitative easing. Jean-Claude Juncker is believed to be asking Malta to take the lead on the beaver ‘Conservation by elimination’ project. ‘This is a top priority’ he said, ‘we’re all beavering away like mad’.
David Cameron says he will not debate anything with anyone unless beavers are top of the list, ‘We’re the wettest government ever’ he claimed, ‘We are so beaver-friendly you just can’t believe it’.
A Tangling Rust spokesperson said ‘Don’t worry, we have a longer list of things that will have to go too – anything with a hooked beak, Kingfishers, herons (even those nice little white ones), Ospreys, Otters, Cormorants – shall I go on? We want our rivers to be completely natural that’s why we want all the native species removed. It works with grouse shooting so it can work with fishing. Give us a river full of Rainbow Trout, Signal Crayfish and New Zealand Pigmyweed any time.’.
Meanwhile in Devon, the Devon Wildlife Trust chortled as the money came in.