Wildlife NGO doping scandal

"Syringe reusable1" by Goga312 - Own work. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Syringe_reusable1.jpg#/media/File:Syringe_reusable1.jpg
“Syringe reusable1” by Goga312 – Own work. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons – https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Syringe_reusable1.jpg#/media/File:Syringe_reusable1.jpg

WADA has been called in to investigate claims that the UK’s wildlife NGOs have been nobbled by dopers.

Sir Vague Ready, President of WADA, said ‘The rumours have been out there for ages and it’s time to investigate. Clearly there are no performance enhancing drugs involved – not a single personal best has been set by the UK’s wildlife NGOs in the last few years. They’ve just been plodding around the track. Something very fishy is going on. We are investigating claims that government officials have been seen tampering with the water supplies in Sandy, Newark, Swindon and elsewhere.

Claims that Defra and devolved administrations have been hypnotising wildlife NGOs with promises of ‘the world’s best environment’ are being investigated.

Defra minister, Lisa Trustless said ‘No we aren’t going to take any notice of the science. And we aren’t listening to NGOs with millions of members. And we aren’t going to regulate for a better environment. So, yes, I decided not to spend any money on the environment either (because really I want a job in the Treasury). And I am completely confident that this government, the greenest government ever, will deliver the world’s best environment by tea time tomorrow.’.

When Ms Trustless was asked about the doping allegations, she said ‘Not us. No need. They’re harmless‘.

 

 

 

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7 Replies to “Wildlife NGO doping scandal”

  1. These women in the cabinet, Truss, Amber Rudd, etc - even if they wanted to do the right thing you can be sure that Dave and George wont let them. Nothing must prevent the snouts in the trough filling their boots as they wreck the environment and their childrens futures.

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  2. All this time I've been wondering why they won't support a ban on lead shot and driven grouse shooting! All the time I've wasted finding out why the EU licensed Diclofenac to kill vultures! Well done for finding this out, it all makes perfect sense now.

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