A few predictions for phrases for the Chancellor’s autumn statement:
- it’s a bugger being in the Cabinet – I had no time to get Siberian Accentor unlike almost everyone else in the country. I bet that Ken Clarke has it on his list now. Only 32 European records up until 2015, and none of those in the UK, and yet when I became Chancellor, and we voted for Brexit, this autumn produced 219 Sibe Accentors of which 13 were in the UK. Remember this happened under a Conservative government (which isn’t terribly keen on immigrants from the east).
- the trees are looking very nice this year although the London Plane trees around my office aren’t the best for putting on an autumn show.
- what we need is some big infrastructure projects on which to spend money and which will mop up some unemployed people and get some useful work done. Today I am announcing that we will create a rural task force of men called Daniel Blake who will be trained in hedgerow management to restore decent hedgerows to much of our countryside.
- autumn is the time for killing wildlife and so our government and my party is keen on killing protected wildlife, killing protected wildlife, killing protected wildlife, and killing protected wildlife – some people haven’t quite realised how important this is to us, but I assure you that it is.